Your fix on all things MANLY

When you’d ask me to play

video games, my heart would always nearly explode with happiness.

Any time we played a game together I was so happy.

I miss that.

Being happy.

Hapoy Earth Day

To all the followers, hippies, hipsters and YOU,
I’m sure you’re doing something special for this day. Hopefully nothing stupid.

— I think of the times I had you both.
I think of the times I took for granted.
I think of the days I spent not noticing either of your needs.
I think of how many different things I could’ve done to save the both of you, especially while there was still something left to save.
I think constantly of how I want o be better for you two.
I think often of all the negativity, especially in between periods of being busy.
I think at night, when I go to bed alone, about how I miss you both.
I think that this downward spiral will get me to a place you guys won’t recognize.
I think, when it’s cold, lonely, dark and scary, that neither of you cared for me like I may have believed.
I think into the wee hours of the morning.
I think of how the both of you are now gone. One dead, the other as close to it as possible.

I thought I’d stop thinking, but the thoughts are endless.


Late Easter post I guess.

Love you.

“If ever your eyes glance over at my world, know that mine never gave up staring at yours.”
— Happy Easter you.

I don’t know if you’re in town. If you are that sucks. I halfway wish you’d tell me, but I guess you’re past that now? I halfway am glad you haven’t because I know that I’d want to see you and even your family.

If you’re not in town, I hope you’re having fun. I hope you’re saving yourself while there is still something left to save. I’d be happy with this option more I think. At least we wouldn’t be so close yet so far. Then again. When it comes to us, I’m not sure either of us knows what we’re doing.

Here’s to hoping, Here’s to us.

Love languages

Talked to my therapist about those today. She gave me the book on it, asked me to take the test and read about mine. I can see which ones you might’ve been.
I think the long distance effed it up for my love language, which made yours suffer as well.
I remember and miss the times when you called me daddy. I remember being that male figure you looked up to, even with all my darkness. I know I made the mistake of being too much like a parent who lived you then your best friend. I’m sorry. I hope one day we can forgive each other and perhaps try again. Love you.

Hey you

I’m going to watch the lunar eclipse tonight and really wish you we could be doing it together, on the phone.

But if my imagination serves me correct, you’re probably going to share that special moment with someone else too.

“Take no risks, suffer no defeats. Take no risks, win no victories”
Me soon. Oops

Me soon.

(Source: jbribin)

— While I’m home alone in my bed, I think of you accompanied by someone in yours.
While I lie awake at night staring at the ceiling, I think of you sleeping in his arms.
When I think about texting you or calling you, I think you’ve already texted and called all the people who you care for.
When I think of how much I miss you, I think of how much you’ve forgotten about me.
When I think of how much I respected and loved you, I think of how you didn’t do the same for yourself.
When I think of how happy we were and how happy I could make you, I think of how happy you are without me.
When I think of you, here in this abyss of a room, with this black void in my life, with this emptiness I feel because you’re no longer in my life
I think of how I’d like for everything to stay dark, forever.